Focus is not my forte.
I am easily distracted at best, and I am rarely at that best.
I tend to dive headfirst into an interest, but that obsession does not last long. I could spend a day, a week, a month, maybe more feeling wholly devoted to a writing theme. Only to abandon it, unfinished, without warning.
My mindset at any given time can be gauged by the music I listen to. The same music generally correlates with what I’m writing. When writing semi-surreal identity-focused YA short stories, for example, I listened to indie, alternative rock, and pop-tinged instrumental music. I even have playlists for my characters that fit these genres perfectly.
But now, I am not in an indie mindset. I’m listening to metal, to industrial, to—well, more sub-genres of metal. I am finding that what excites me story-wise is science fiction, horror, lots of twists where characters betray each other with deadly consequences. This is a wonderful and fun mindset to be in… except for one, tiny detail.
I’m not currently writing for those genres.
I am frustrated by my mindset because it doesn’t fit what I feel I should be writing. I want to finish my current projects, I want to rewrite most of them nearly from scratch, I truly do. But I am not in that mindset right now.
The easy answer would be to write for my mindset, a far easier task than changing my mindset to fit the writing. However, as I said, I am easily distracted. My mindset can change quickly and without warning. If I wrote just for my mindset, nothing would ever be finished.
To me, mindset is deeper than a mood. My mindset dictates the media I consume, what I talk about with friends, even how I present myself to the world. The mindset I need to be excited about my current half-finished projects eludes me. I can feel myself slipping away from my projects, and I worry that if I abandon them for too long I will never finish them.
I am frustrated with my lack of motivation to finish projects, because new ideas excite me more. I am frustrated that my mindset doesn’t fit what I feel I should be working on. I am frustrated with stories I wrote in previous mindsets, because I know how much better they could be. I am frustrated by me acknowledging these stories’ weaknesses, but not doing anything about them because of my mindset.
Or maybe, just maybe, I am using mindset as a scapegoat for other sources of frustration in my life. Frustrations that exhaust me, that make improving my current work feel like an insurmountable obstacle.
My mindset, both in itself and in what it represents, frustrates me.
The long and short of it? Terrorwood is finally, officially back on. No deadlines to be ignored, no grand promises of length or style or what have you, none of that. It’s just back on.
See you soon with rewrites and revisions.